There’s something so familiar to it. I’m pretty sure we’ve all mistakenly said it – or thought it – at some point. It seems to be something indoctrinated into us all from the very beginning.
“Are you going to try for a girl?”
“Three boys – she must have been hoping for a girl with the third one.”
“Well, you know that you need to try for a girl now.”
The list goes on. Rest assured though, I’ve heard it all. In all fairness, it is highly possible (and very likely) that Girl-Mums face the same accusatory questions. You know, the questions that imply that you’re selfish or incomplete for having babies that are all the same sex. Being a boy-mum doesn’t automatically equate to needing a girl.
It might be harmless small-talk and it might not even mean anything. When you’re hearing it repeatedly in every conversation, though, it starts to get a bit much.
After speaking with other Boy-Mums, it seems we share many similar responses about being routinely interrogated about having a girl: insult, frustration and speechlessness.
“At times I feel like I’m getting pitied when I proudly say I have two boys – “oh you didn’t get your girl, do you think you will try for one?”” – Joanne, mum of 2 boys
“I get asked a lot if I’m going to have more kids [and] whether I’m going to try for a girl” – Rebecca, mum of 3 boys
It implies our families are not complete
When people see your family make-up and their first question is whether you’re going to add more to it, they are – perhaps unintentionally – suggesting that your family could do with improvements. Instead of acknowledging the beauty your family has, they are pointing out things that it does not have.
I look at my two boys and see them as the puzzle pieces that complete our family picture. By not having a daughter, our puzzle isn’t missing a piece. It’s simply a different puzzle to the families that have daughters.
“I have 3 beautiful and healthy boys and my family is complete.” – Rebecca
My relationship with them is based on how I raise them
I consider my own mum and my sister to be my best friends. I don’t believe that is because we are all girls, though. It is because that is how we were raised. It was just the three of us in our house growing up and we became incredibly close.
I would like to think that if I were a boy, our relationship would have been the same.
I’ve been told so many times that I need to try for a girl, as she will be my “best friend”.
I plan to raise my sons so they respect me, like I respect my mother. I plan to raise my them to trust me, like I trust my mother. And I plan to raise my sons to love me, just like I love my mum.
“So when I tuck my boys in at night and hear the sweet words of “love you mum” I know I already have my perfect family.” – Joanne
But, girls will help you clean the house
Ha. Ha. I don’t need to elaborate on this much.
Anybody expecting free accommodation, home-cooked meals and the WiFi password will be helping keep the house somewhat clean. End of story.
Shout-out to my husband: that means you, too, hubs!