Motherhood is just a long series of WTF moments stitched together with caffeine and pure stubbornness.
One minute, you’re thinking, Hey, I’ve got this parenting thing down! and the next, you’re hiding in the laundry room because someone is throwing a fit about how their socks feel “too spicy.”
And yet. Here we are. Still standing.
People talk about “self-care” like it’s this cute little thing you can slot in between folding laundry and breaking up sibling fights. But real self-care isn’t bubble baths and candles. It’s damage control. It’s finding ways to exist without completely losing your mind.
So here’s how I (mostly) manage to stay functional.
Step 1: Set the Bar at “Bare Minimum” and Call it a Day
Perfection is a scam.
- Kids ate cereal for dinner? Fine.
- The laundry is in a pile but at least it’s clean? That counts.
- You forgot about picture day and now your kid looks like a feral raccoon in their class photo? Hilarious. Frame it.
If it’s good enough, it’s good enough.
Step 2: Learn the Power of “Nope”
People expect moms to do everything—volunteer, host, bake, organize, show up, be nice about it.
Nope.
- “Can you chair the PTA meeting?” Nope.
- “Can you make 50 cupcakes by morning?” Nope.
- “Can you drive six kids to soccer and also be snack mom?” ABSOLUTELY NOT.
You’re not a 24/7 convenience store. If it stresses you out, opt out.
Step 3: Find Something That’s Yours and Protect It Like a Rabid Raccoon
Motherhood will swallow you whole if you let it. Find something—ANYTHING—that reminds you that you are a person outside of wiping butts and making school lunches.
- Read the trashy novel. Even if it takes you six months.
- Binge-watch that ridiculous reality show. Judgment-free zone.
- Eat the fancy chocolate you hid from the kids. No regrets.
Whatever makes you feel human again. DO IT.
Step 4: Stop Acting Like You Have to “Do It All”
The second I stopped trying to be the “perfect mom,” life got 600% easier.
- Let your partner handle bedtime (badly).
- Let the kids eat store-bought cookies at the bake sale.
- Let someone else pick up the slack.
And don’t micromanage. If your husband dresses the baby in clashing patterns and socks that don’t match, look away. The kid is dressed. That’s the win.
Step 5: Sleep Like Your Sanity Depends on It (Because It Does)
Forget all that “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” nonsense.
If the choice is cleaning the kitchen or sleeping? Sleep.
If the choice is folding laundry or sleeping? Sleep.
If the choice is scrolling TikTok for an hour or sleeping? …Okay, maybe 10 more minutes, then sleep.
Tired moms snap faster. Go to bed.
Step 6: Stop Apologizing for Needing a Damn Break
Society loves making moms feel guilty for not being on every second of every day. But let’s be real—do dads get interrogated for taking a 30-minute break? No.
So why are we like this?
- “Sorry, I just need a second to breathe.” No. You don’t need to apologize. Take the second.
- “Sorry the house is a mess.” No. It’s lived in. Big difference.
- “Sorry I can’t make it.” No. You have a life.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for being a human being.
Step 7: Remember This is Just a Phase (Even When It Feels Endless)
One day, your house won’t be covered in sticky fingerprints.
One day, you won’t be running on caffeine and willpower alone.
One day, you’ll actually miss this chaos.
But right now? Right now, it’s okay to admit it’s hard.
Laugh when you can. Survive the rest.
And when all else fails—hide in the pantry with snacks.
That’s it. No fake positivity. No Pinterest-perfect nonsense. Just real survival strategies for moms who don’t have time for sugar-coated advice.
What’s your go-to sanity saver? Besides wine. Obviously.